Just cropdusted the office
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
