Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
