I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
