I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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