so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
