duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
