I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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