She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
