You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
