His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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