I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
