I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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