elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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