I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
