Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
