You work out of a Hotel?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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