It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Bring me that man meat
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
