Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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