My friends, they love my intelligence
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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