My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
