Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
