I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
