im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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