I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she looked like the before picture.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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