Quick, to the slutcave!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
