we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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