2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Randomize
