dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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