Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
