You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize