fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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