Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
