Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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