Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
