You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
