so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
