WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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