Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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