Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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