You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He passed out mid-signature
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
