I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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