Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
