I got chris browned last night
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
