allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
