I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just gift wrapped bread.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
