i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
