Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
