Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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