so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Too much gin, very little bucket
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this just has baby written all over it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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