okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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