You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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