You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
