so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
