honey bunches of taint.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's shark week go big or go home
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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