Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize