I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
