i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
try to milk me bitch
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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