i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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