"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
