In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
