what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize