MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
