I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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