It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
