i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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