I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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